Hey there!
Last Friday, I discovered that my fiancee's family (Joe) doesn't really like me. It's not that they hate me... well, I can't actually know that for sure... but they are definitely not fans of me. I shared this with you on Friday and thank you to all that wrote such kind emails to me. It means a lot.
I was going to dive into the details of why they feel this way and the betrayal that I felt. But as I was describing how I felt about everything to my business and life
coach, he reminded me to be careful of the victim mentality. The victim has a sense of nobility and righteousness and "how dare she betray ME! How could she?!" attitude.
I did NOT like hearing that about myself and I realized that's what I was doing. I spent some time journaling about what I think might be the triggers of what I was feeling. I think I have a need to be liked. I'm not a person that says "no big deal" when someone doesn't like me. My inner child had shown up in full color.
Not sure if you know this, but whenever you catch yourself super emotional and acting like a child... even if you feel like you are in the right to act that way... that's your inner child showing up. She usually shows up when you're
triggered by something and deep rooted emotion bubbles up.
Mine was having a tantrum and crying
saying "Why doesn't she like me?! It's not fair!"
The reality is, they're going to feel however they're going to feel. They're going to act
in whatever way they're going to act. It doesn't matter what was perceived incorrectly or over reacted or was just mean. Their behavior is they're choice in how they handle their anger and emotions. It's a whole gang of inner children running amuck over there.
It doesn't matter. What matters is how I choose to behave. It doesn't mean I don't feel hurt and angry. I would be lying if I said I was great. I wasn't. I'm better now. But what matters to me is the person I choose to be.
I can be a mean vindictive bitch and spread more hate and poison. But what purpose does that serve? To make me feel better? It won't. I don't want my kids to see me being THAT person. That victim. I want them to see their Mom as someone with character and grace. Full of forgiveness
and gratitude.
So, I choose to let them act and feel in whatever manner they choose. I choose to forgive them. I choose to be in gratitude.
I am thankful for this opportunity to see areas that I can improve on and be a better person.
You may call bull shit! And you might
be right... a little. I'm still a little angry and hurt. And I'm working on being ok with that and focusing on me and Joe. Because no matter what, it's our relationship that needs to stand strong. Joe made it crystal clear that his #1 priority is us.
So, we will not be joining his family in our traditional Thanksgiving beach house this year. We will be going to the Southern Caribbean for a week and enjoying time with each other. And we hope his family attends our wedding next year.
Wanna know what else brings me joy in stressful times? Doing something magical for you... like helping you figure out your best colors! Your inner child will giggle with joy!
I just posted the latest #ColorStyleMe video where I give 10 Style Club Members a taste of a professional online color analysis.
Click on the image below to go to the video.
